Love history

I know i'm not some love wizard, but I woke up this morning feeling an urge to write a little bit about my relationship and past relationships because I can't help but wake up every morning feeling a million times thankful for my partner Elton Leon Yan. So you better close the window now if you can't take lovy dovy mushy words.

My friends will know that i've been through hell, literally, in my past 2 relationships before I met Elton. I was in an almost 5 years relationship with my first boyfriend, I thought I was going to marry him eventually at some point in life. We had our ups and downs in between and finally we just couldn't trust each other enough and allow familiarity to keep us together. It wasn't the most beautiful breakup to be honest but i'm glad I did what I did because I just couldn't take being in that relationship anymore. Holding on to someone I didn't have faith in was the hardest thing I had to do. Some of you may be able to picture this, to be sleeping in fear and waking up in tears, not knowing what he's up to and what are the secrets he's hiding behind your back. I guess that's the bad thing about being in your first relationship for so long, you become curious, too familiar, too comfortable to walk away. Eventually curiousity will outrun your feelings for each other and the next thing you know you are out of the game.

I strongly believed that my first relationship was going to teach me a huge lesson and I wouldn't be falling for the wrong person again. Boy I was so wrong. Getting into my second relationship is definitely one thing I regret most in my life. I didn't realize how weak I was after my first breakup, I needed somebody, anybody in fact, to patch up that hole in my life. Though it lasted only 6 months or less, I know I wasn't ready to move on. I was so wrong to allow my first 2 relationships overlap each other, that was the ugliest period of my life and I am absolutely not proud of it. So beware to never let rebounds be part of your life.

Then God was fair and made me a rebound after that. It wasn't an official relationship but it definitely felt like one, other than the fact that we were both at different ends of the world. This LDR lasted for about 5 months until he completely made himself non-existent without warning. I woke up one morning and he was gone. His friends told me that he was having mixed feelings, he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend who was going to be someone else's bride. I gave up, I didn't want to be the rebound anymore. I didn't realize I had such strong feelings for this guy. He didn't want me in his life, so there was no point for me being there anymore.

I took about 8 months off to be completely single. There were definitely guys who showed up at the time but I simply wasn't interested in falling in love again. I buried myself in work, new friends, old friends and all kinds of activities. I even started going to the gym, just to get my mind off memories and thoughts I didn't want. I started singing again. I would sing and work out at the gym, it was a totally different side of me.

Until I met this ridiculously cute guy at the gym one day, he would normally be there every evening and he works his ass off which explains why he has such a hot body. I would literally want to lick his abs as disturbing as that sounds. We had a mutual friend named Keith and that was how we were introduced to each other. Keith would usually work out at the same time and he would be helping me with my exercises and bugging this cute guy at the same time. I remember working out on the eliptical and this cute guy finally came over to ask me what my name was again. I found out from Keith that this guy was 2 years younger and he was playing in a band. A guitarist with a hot body and tan skin definitely motivated me to workout at the gym everyday.

On and off I would bump into this cute guy around campus. One day I was working in the computer room, I noticed him wearing a black t-shirt and glasses sitting in the row next to me, I literally stopped breathing because he looked so smart and so handsome. I sucked in my stomach and tried to look the sexiest I could while trying to get my papers out of the printing machine in front of him, hoping he would notice me. I couldn't help but be so attracted to this guy as much as I was a 100% not intending to get into a relationship. He finally added me on Facebook and I found out that he got my name wrong. We exchanged numbers and texted each other a little bit and made jogging and gym dates.

I guess nothing really happened until I signed up for the singing auditions for the annual music talent quest held by the University's music society. I passed the first and second round auditions and I was chosen to be in the finals. This cute guy would often show up at unpredictable times and that was the period of time I suddenly felt so alive as if I never really lived and enjoyed life before, the single life was more exciting than I thought it would be. He asked me out for lunch on a Friday afternoon after both our classes were over, only 5 days before the singing finals. I did not feel the slightest anxiety because I knew we were just friends, going out to get something to eat.

to be continued...