Having a boyfriend may not be the best thing in the world, but having a boyfriend like Elton is the best thing in the world :)
This was taken when we were on Skype with each other while sitting next to each other in Starbucks, lol. Can't get enough of my bunny.
You have friends who look absolutely gorgeous because they are either naturally thin or they just starve themselves. I am not left out when it comes to having friends like these.
After I broke up with my first boyfriend, he told me that he was happy and that he always thought I was fat. I literally couldn't eat a complete meal without feeling guilty about it after that. I would not eat and run 5km everyday just to make myself one of those hot chics that guys define. I would try purging after my meals but that wasn't good for my throat that I use to sing and it wasn't easy to make myself throw up so I decided to completely stay away from food. I could live on a slice of bread a day just to pump sufficient energy through my system. I would lie to my family to avoid meals. I thought things would get better after I got into University as I was living on my own and nobody was around to judge what I ate or how I looked because no one knew who I was then. And then I had my second boyfriend who would often compare me to my skinny girl friends in University and chics they see on TV. Once again, the whole anorexic thing happened and I lost weight but yet I would still think I was fat.
I was depressed with my image and was filled with guilt and shame for being who I was. I went through moments of depression because I told myself I wasn't good enough for anyone. I took it out on myself by self-harming and using up all the energy I had to do stupid things. I knew I was abnormal and literally going insane.
Not too long after, I was made a youth leader in church. I didn't know if it was actually a good thing because I was in a way, 'forced' to be perfect which I obviously wasn't. I knew that being placed in the spotlight, I would constantly have adults and church elders watch over my every move. I knew I had to be a role model for these kids who needed someone to look up to, I was the only female youth leader and my self-conscious was smart enough to make me realize that I do not want them to go through what I was going through. I would act completely normal in front of them and eat the usual stuff for as long as I was their 'big sister'. And thank God, because He put me in that position, I practiced a 'healthier' lifestyle and I got better. I love them and I want them to know that they are beautiful no matter how they look because they are strong and confident.
Honestly, I cannot tell people that I have not purposely avoided any of my meals to look thin or harm myself from depression ever since. It's still a struggle that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. I would show Elton photos of my girl friends who are skinny and make him reassure me that he doesn't want me to be like them. And when I felt I wasn't good enough, I'd take it out on my own body. That is the emotional insecurity I have.
To realize and acknowledge that bipolar disorder is real and to treat it with conscious and self-love is key.
Everyday is a battle, but it is worth it so stay strong.
Thank you Elton for being so supportive. Loving me isn't easy I know and it's a huge responsibility because I sort of came with a baggage. I love you so much.
You look so smart and handsome in your glasses. I love you, everyday.
and you still make me wanna lick your abs :P
The day I first met youYou told me you'd never fall in loveBut now that I get youI know fear is what it really was
Now here we are, so closeYet so far, haven't I passed the test?When will you realizeBaby, I'm not like the rest
Don't wanna break your heartI wanna give your heart a breakI know you're scared it's wrongLike you might make a mistakeThere's just one life to liveAnd there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a breakGive your heart a breakLet me give your heart a breakYour heart a break
Oh, yeah yeah
On Sunday, you went home aloneThere were tears in your eyesI called your cell phone, my loveBut you did not reply
The world is ours, if you want itWe can take it, if you just take my handThere's no turning back nowBaby, try to understand
Don't wanna break your heartWanna give your heart a breakI know you're scared it's wrongLike you might make a mistakeThere's just one life to liveAnd there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a breakGive your heart a breakLet me give your heart a breakYour heart a breakThere's just so much you can takeGive your heart a breakLet me give your heart a breakYour heart a break
Oh, yeah yeah
When your lips are on my lipsAnd our hearts beat as oneBut you slip right out of my fingertipsEvery time you run, whoa
Don't wanna break your heartWanna give your heart a breakI know you're scared it's wrongLike you might make a mistakeThere's just one life to liveAnd there's no time to waste, to wasteSo let me give your heart a break
Cuz you've been hurt beforeI can see it in your eyesYou try to smile it awaySome things, you can't disguiseDon't wanna break your heartBaby, I can ease the ache, the ache
So, let me give your heart a breakGive your heart a breakLet me give your heart a breakYour heart a breakThere's just so much you can takeGive your heart a breakLet me give your heart a breakYour heart a break
Oh yeah,yeah
The day I first met youYou told me you'd never fall in love
My love, you have turned my life upside down since the moment you choked on your lunch when you tried calling my name at the University cafeteria. My mind hasn't left you since and I still do all sorts of things to impress you and get your attention.
I loved how you allowed me to rest on your shoulder while you played the Lion King and massaged my feet as I stretched them on your lap everytime I was at your place. I take too many of these moments for granted.
I loved how you brought back roses, sunflowers and little flowers from Cameron Highlands for me and I had no vase big enough to keep them and yet you looked after the delicate gift with so much effort. You did all you can to protect me and made sure I was safe, like those flowers. Both physically and emotionally.
I love the times you would sit down by my piano or take out the guitar and play a little tune to impress me. I really am impressed, but this is not why I fell in love with you. I love you because you are not ashamed to tell the world that I matter.
It has always been about me, about what I feel and how impressed I am. I am the secured one in this relationship. I am so sorry I forgot about you.
The person who would give up his dream to be with me, tolerate my Disney habits and listen to Justin Bieber for my sake. The one who would walk a thousand miles to see me, cry when I am sad and be a clown to cheer me up.
And now, I am the clown. I screwed things up between us and I have no idea how to fix it. I am heartbroken.
I wish I had a perfect solution, but I don't. Even if you cannot forgive me, I hope you know how much you mean to me because we have come a long way. I respect your decision nonetheless, because I have decided to make it all about you today.
Anyway, cheers to 16th of March and to the most amazing guy in my life.
My love, Happy Delicious Food Day.
Because some answers are simply not as important as you are to me.
I love you everyday :)
Is it really ok to still have feelings? This is crazy.
It's either I want to get it out of my system or I don't want it out of my system.
Either way it is still in my system and I need to deal with it.
My amateur recording! So sorry if this hurts your ears :S
Tell me what to do about you
I already know I can see in your eyes
When you're selling the truth
'Cause it's been a long time coming
So where you running to?
Tell me what to do about you
I'm back in Notts! Part of me is tensed when I think about having to crawl out of bed at 8am tomorrow morning, but the other half of me is contented from the wonderful weekend I had in London.
The highlight of my weekend must be We Will Rock You, I loved it so much i'm currently listening to the songs over and over again.
Hope everyone had a kick-ass weekend and all ready for the week ahead!
I would like to get a PhD after 2 years, move in with Elton wherever he may be at that time, be jobless and a good housekeeper ;)
Yup sounds fantastic.
